


(still) in love with you

by sophh



Series: Shades of Heartbreak Weather [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Stars & Scars, amnesia!au, angsty, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophh/pseuds/sophh
Summary: "Oh, Merlin," Sirius rasped. "You don't—you don't know me at all, do you?""I'm sorry," Remus repeated. "I don't remember you...Sirius."His name, which had once sounded so reverent falling from Remus' lips, now sounded uncertain, even flat.An amnesia!AU.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Shades of Heartbreak Weather [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930666
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	(still) in love with you

Sirius paced the length of the hospital corridor, terrified. All he knew was that there had been a terrible accident — while living amongst the werewolves and feeding information to the Order, Remus had run into some kind of trouble.

That told Sirius exactly nothing.

His mind was in overdrive, conjuring up the worst possible scenarios. He hated not knowing, being shut out. _Especially_ when it came to Remus.

He had to know, by whatever means necessary.

"Dumbledore," he growled, striding up to the other man. "What the hell is going on?"

"All in due time, Sirius," Dumbledore said in a maddeningly calm voice.

"All in due—that's Remus in there!" Sirius hissed. "I can't just wait around until you decide to fill me in, Dumbledore!"

Dumbledore removed his glasses and wiped them on his robes. Sirius knew that he was stalling so as to choose his next words carefully, and he could have throttled the old man for it.

"Sirius, it doesn't look good," Dumbledore finally said, leveling him with a piercing, blue-eyed stare. "We still don't know exactly what happened, because, well, Remus isn't able to tell us."

Sirius could feel the blood drain from his face. "What do you mean, he isn't able to tell you?" he whispered hoarsely.

"It appears," Dumbledore said, "that Remus is suffering from amnesia. Skilled Legilimens have attempted to extract his memories, of course, but they are encountering...obstacles."

Sirius suddenly felt as though everything was spinning around him, the same way it had felt when he learned that James and Lily had died. He gulped and tried to steady himself against the wall, but that didn't seem to help. Closing his eyes brought him some peace, but it wasn't long before the unsettling sensation returned.

"A chair, perhaps," Dumbledore murmured. With a flick of his wand, he conjured up a small, comfortable black chair.

Sirius muttered his thanks before sinking into it. A moment later he looked up at the other man. "So how bad—"

"I think you should see for yourself, Sirius," Dumbledore told him gently. "He should be allowed visitors soon."

Sirius nodded. He would wait all night if he had to.

...

Sirius awoke to someone gently shaking him. He couldn't remember what he had been dreaming about, but it hadn't been anything good, judging by the thin layer of sweat on his forehead.

"Sirius," came Arthur Weasley's voice. "Sirius!"

"Blimey, can't a fellow get any sleep around here?" he grumbled, opening one eye and wincing at the bright lights of St. Mungo's.

"Remus can have visitors now," the redheaded man said.

Sirius sat up all the way and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Yeah?"

Arthur nodded. "Thought you'd want to know."

"Cheers," Sirius said over his shoulder. He was already on his way to Remus' room, ready to reunite with his lover.

...

Remus looked the same as he always did when he was asleep—untroubled, peaceful. Almost instinctively, Sirius felt his face split into a wide grin. At least Remus was alive. The memory thing...they could work that out. They always worked through challenges together, and this would be no different.

"Remus?" Sirius whispered. "Remus, it's me. It's Sirius."

Remus stirred, then finally opened his eyes.

"Hey," Sirius said softly, "you gave me quite the scare."

Remus blinked at him. "I'm...sorry?" It sounded more like a question than an apology, and it made Sirius frown.

"Remus," he tried again, "don't you—don't you know who I am?"

When Remus shook his head, Sirius nearly collapsed onto the floor. This couldn't be happening. Remus had to remember him. He _had_ to.

"Remus, it's Sirius." He hated the pleading note in his voice, the one that gave away the full depths of his desperation. "I'm—I'm Padfoot, remember? And you're Moony. Please tell me you remember."

Remus merely blinked at him again.

"Oh, Merlin," Sirius rasped. "You don't—you don't know me at all, do you?"

"I'm sorry," Remus repeated. "I don't remember you...Sirius."

His name, which had once sounded so reverent falling from Remus' lips, now sounded uncertain, even flat. Sirius could hardly bear it.

"Well, you will," he said confidently. "You _will_ remember me."

Remus tilted his head. "What if I don't, though?"

"Not an option." Sirius folded his arms and resolved to stand there until the other man realized that he wasn't going anywhere.

"I know you don't want to give up what we had—"

" _Have_ —"

"But it isn't fair to expect me to cling to a relationship I don't even remember," Remus finished quietly.

"Well, I'm not just giving up on you," Sirius said. He set his chin as though he was a child determined to have his way. There was no way that he was going to just walk away from the man that he had loved for so many years.

Remus sighed and looked toward the small window, clearly wanting the conversation to be over. "I'm not asking you to do that—to stay with me."

"So...what? We just end this, go our separate ways?" Sirius demanded.

Remus turned his amber eyes upon Sirius. "I think that's the kindest option here. Whatever relationship we may have had...it has to end so that we can both move on."

"No, it doesn't have to end," Sirius argued. "Not like this."

"I'm afraid it does," Remus said sadly. "I don't even know who _I_ am anymore, let alone who you are. Maybe I did once, but..."

"But nothing!" Sirius could feel his resolve slipping and anger taking its place. " _Damn it_ , Remus, even if you don't remember loving me, I'm still in love with you."

Remus reached out and touched Sirius' hand. The simple gesture made the dark-haired man want to cry, because he knew that it wasn't _his_ Remus touching him. Not really. It was a man who looked and sounded and even _smelled_ just like his lover, but it was a pale imitation of him.

Sirius jerked his hand away and walked towards the door, eyes swimming with unshed tears. At the doorway, he turned. "I don't care how long it takes, Remus," he choked out. "I will be here every day until you remember."

He wasn't quite sure how he would manage that, what with his security being so tight, but it was a promise that he intended to keep.

Because as long as he was alive, he would never stop loving Remus.

**Author's Note:**

> For the Shades of Oz and Heartbreak Weather challenges at Hogwarts Challenges & Assignments over at ff.net.
> 
> Prompts: (character) Albus Dumbledore, (dialogue) "I'm still in love with you."


End file.
